Thursday, February 1, 2018

Hospice

February 1, 2018

The day has come. Ben was admitted into Hospice Niagara today. This decision has been by far the hardest decision of Ben's life to actually go. Ben's CT scan earlier this week showed a significnat increase in disease in Ben's liver and lungs. Chemotherapy is no longer an option and there are no clinical trials available. When Ben was first diagnosed him and I agreed that it would probably be a good idea to go the hospice route with having two young children. We didn't want the girls to watch Ben suffer. We wanted their home to remain a safe place for them where they felt comfortable and happy. With this came a very difficult decision for Ben though. When the time actually came this week to make the decision I watched his heart completely break knowing he was leaving our family home. Not only did his heart break, mine did too. We spent at least two days talking with his doctors, nurses and family about actually going. A bed ended up becoming available and Ben decided to go. Today has been one of the hardest steps of this journey so far. Packing up my husbands things, getting him in the car and driving him to hospice where he will be cared for until his time comes to be with our Lord.... I can't even begin to tell you the pain I felt in my chest. Ben was amazing though. He packed up his things without hesitation, walked in and met the staff and in good ol' Ben fashion joked around with all the nurses and administrative staff. He's such a joker, lightening the mood for everyone. We spent the day with Ben, unpacking his stuff and touring the facilities. I am thankful for the on hand care Ben will receive while he is in hospice, but it will definately be a transition for our family. The coming and going, making sure the girls are with someone, visiting and visitors.... It's all new and new right now can bring on a lot of anxieties, so we are relying on God to help us through this next step.

At this time we are asking for privacy as our family adjusts to Ben in hospice. This is a huge transition for us and we love you all and all of your support, but we need the time right now to be together. Please don't hesitate to reach out to Ben or I via e-mails, Facebook messages or text. We will do our best to return your messages. When the time is right, visiting may be arranged through Ben or I. Thank you all for your patience and support during this time.


Brooke giving daddy a big hug!

Visiting daddy today, seeing his new room. 

Special gifts from daddy so they can remember him at home <3 




     


6 comments:

  1. I was taken by surprise when I happened to be working at Hospice Niagara this morning as Ben walked in.....I was at a loss for words (which I think most people would agree isn't all that common :) )
    In any case be assured that Ben and your entire family are in Joyce and my prayers as you travel this path.... strength to you all!

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    1. Harold, I thought you might have been. Im glad Ben stopped to say hi though. Thanks for your message.

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  2. Amy ... God Bless you and the girls at this heart breaking time .....Prayers and love being sent to you....Ben...and all your loved ones..

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  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPXapfFfesA
    Praying continually for you both. God loves you unfathomly.
    Melanie

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  4. Ben and Amy...Thank you for sharing your journey over the last 18 months either in person at church or via your blog. Your posts made it easier to know how to pray. Love the pictures of the two of you and your precious family. The two of you have been inspirational as you share how God is showing Himself to you and how He is carrying you. Love and hugs to the two of you and we will continue to pray during this next part of the journey.
    Marlene

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  5. Ben - so many times as I have lifted you up in prayer, I have thought back to 31 1/2 years ago when you were born and filled the length of your isolette. No other baby touched both ends. You were the talk of the nursery. :)
    Amy - thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable in this incredibly difficult journey your family has been travelling. Your testimony of love for Ben as you support and care for him is beautiful and an inspiration.
    I am praying that in the time you have left together on this earth, that you both experience a peace that only God provides. Blessings to your family.
    -Karen Sawatsky

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