July 19, 2016
I have finally done it. I have sat down and created a blog so you, our friends and family, can follow along our journey with us.
We are The Janzens. Ben, Amy, Brooke (age 4) and Kendal (age 1). I'm going to give a brief history of our family. (forgive me if our definitions of brief differs!) This will probably be the longest post. But believe me, I've really summed it up the best I can!
Ben and I met on the Outtatown program based out of CMU. We traveled across Canada and South Africa with a great group of friends. Ben and I were certainly inseparable! Our relationship continued coming home from the Outtatown program and shortly after returning Ben asked me to marry him! We were young, in love and couldn't image life without one another. I was only 21 when we were married. I look back and can't believe how young I actually was, but I also couldn't imagine my life any other way. We were married August 29, 2009. One of the best days of our lives!
Ben and I have been married for 7 years this August and let me tell you, it has NOT been a walk in the park. You hear the expression "and I thought I loved you then...." This couldn't be more accurate. We've been told many couples don't endure the things we have in even 30+ years of marriage. I'm not sure why we have had the path we have, but we are certainly glad to have each other along for the ride. As well as our God. Some of the things I will share here you may or may not know about us. I'm writing this blog to share our life with you. So you can get to know who we are. Maybe you can relate, maybe we can help you if you are going through the same thing, or maybe you can help us. Ben and I find hope, peace and a whole lot of love sharing our journey with others and opening up to others.
My Surgery:
Our first year of marriage started with some health issues on my end. Doctors ended up finding a tumor in my chest about the size of a football! Biopsies were done and the tumor was benign. Thank you God! This was great news however it was still a very high risk procedure to remove it. We were told the worse to expect was for me to be paralyzed or even death. We are in our first year or marriage. Early 20's. Seriously? We had just bought our first home, Ben was working to keep us floating while I went off work. I underwent a thoracotomy. Surgeon went in, deflated my lungs, broke my ribs and managed to removed the tumor without any significant issues. I have a beauty of scar along my back from the incision and a scar along my side from breathing tubes. To this day I am thankful with how that surgery worked out and how healthy and able I am. God you are good!
Our Loss:
Shortly after this dramatic episode we found out I was pregnant with baby #1! What a great way to celebrate after such a difficult time. We waited the "three months" we find most people do to share the news with extended family and friends. The news travelled fast. We made a post on Facebook and were getting pretty excited for our new baby! Within my 16 week mark things just didn't seem right. I had booked a doctors appointment after being concerned and they quickly booked an ultrasound. It was then we found out we had lost our baby. If you have ever gone through this yourself you will know how painful this is. I underwent a D&C. I remember coming out of the operating room in tears. I cried for days. I felt so helpless and in so much pain. But Ben and I had each other. We grieved together. Held each other. I can't tell you how helpful it was to have others reach out and share their experiences with us. We didn't feel so alone. Thank you to those who opened their hearts to us and shared that difficult journey with us. This was another example of times when we felt the love and support from our friends.
Our Micro preemie:
Time went on and we found out we were expecting again! As excited as we were, we were also extremely nervous. I had a midwife and followed them as usual. At my 20 week routine ultrasound we were rushed to the Midwife's office with the news that my cervix was thinning and that baby could come at any time. I wasn't really sure what this meant to be honest. I was in shock.... again... more shock... and I felt good at dealing with shock at this point, to be honest. We listened to the doctors and did everything they said. I was put on immediate bed rest at home for a few weeks, being monitored weekly at McMaster. At 23 weeks I was admitted to the hospital on bed rest. The doctors were very concerned and felt it was better for me to be monitored daily in hospital. Ben and I, again, endured more stress to our marriage. He worked non-stop, taking care of our house and our dog (at the time) He travelled back and forth to McMaster to visit me. On May 10th, Ben had come in the evening to visit me. I wasn't allowed to walk and so Ben got a wheelchair and walked me around the University grounds. It was a beautiful night. I felt so happy to be able to spend that time with my husband. We sat and chatted about our days, how things were going back at home. I remember vividly experiencing some intense back pain, but seeing as how I had never been pregnant before, I ignored it and blamed it on sitting in a hospital bed for too long. What I didn't know was that I was actually in labour. Ben had drove home that evening. I had gone off to bed and was woken in the middle of the night by some intense back pain. I buzzed for the nurse right away. The nurses were concerned enough that they wheeled me into Labour and Delivery and hooked me up to non-stress test machine and found that I was indeed in labour. It was then doctors had learned that baby was breech and they needed to perform an emergency C-section to save the life of our baby. Pure panic came over me. As the doctors rushed to hook me up for surgery, I remember crying for Ben. Wanting them to wait until he had arrived. They called him around 4am and he raced up to me. I was lying on the OR table, being prepped for surgery (again...) when a man sat down next to me. He started talking to me in this calm, reassuring voice. I remember, at first, being kind of thrown off by him. I wasn't sure who it was, as he was dressed in scrubs and had a mask covering his face. He gently placed his hand over my head when I realized it was Ben! He had made it! I remember tears filled my eyes. He was there and was holding my hand the entire time. Thank you God for getting him there safely and on time! It wasn't long before we witnessed a baby be born via C-section. But it was different. There were a dozen plus doctors in the room. The baby was placed in what looked like a stainless steal salad bowl, and rushed out of the room. Ben and I sat there and didn't say too much. We had a doctor approach us and start prepping us for the loss of another baby. There were so many things going on. As surgeons finished up the C-section, I remember finally asking, "is it a boy or a girl?" the doctors were so apologetic and said "it's a girl!" Our 24 weeker, Brooke Isabelle, was born weighing 800g. We spent 5-6 months in hospital with her. Mommy driving back and forth to Hamilton every single day, daddy working and attending to our home again. We signed more consent forms for surgeries, blood transfusions etc. than we had ever seen. It was in this crisis we felt God's true presence. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of peace that came over me going through this experience with Brooke. God certainly had us in His hands. I felt it. I knew it. I believed it! He settled our fears, calmed our nerves and helped us walked this difficult path every step of the way. To this day I look back and recognize what God did for us and how powerful His love for us IS. Today Brooke is 4 years old! She is perfect!!! She is strong, smart, and beautiful! Thank you LORD!
Other:
Our marriage has had additional stressors, ones in which we feel may not fully be ready for this blog, yet we mention this because they have been apart of our life and it has been challenging for us to climb through. We write this as it is a reminder for ourselves, really. I am so happy God has held our marriage together and no matter the stormy weather, He has lifted us out of the storms and showed us how powerful He is and how much we NEED Him. Lord, thank you again for holding us through the storms we have been through so far.
So here was our life in a simplified nut shell. Crisis after crisis after crisis it feels. Yet we still feel blessed with our life, with our family and our friends.
Can it Be?:
And then crisis hit us again. Harder than we could imagine. In fact, everything we had experienced up to this point felt like nothing. Like small stepping stones. June 21st, after feeling uncomfortable, crampy and just unwell, Ben was instructed to go to the ER for an emergency CT scan. Basically because of the amount of pain he had been experiencing within his abdominal area. That day was a day I never want to go back to. I had woken up and taken Kendal to a friends house so that I could take Brooke to an appointment at McMaster. I was in Hamilton all day and on my way home got stuck in some pretty heavy traffic. Stopped on the QEW. Not only were we in traffic but Brooke was vomiting all over the back seat of my car. I sat in the traffic with a vomiting child, my husband was at the ER and life just left a little bit chaotic. I finally got home with the girls, put them into bed and sat down only to get a phone call from Ben asking me to come to the hospital. I had phoned my mom over to come and stay with the girls and got back into the car to be with Ben. In a small ER room, at 11 o'clock at night, my husband looked me in the eyes and told me news I never thought I would ever hear. "Amy... they found cancer".... I just stared at him. Lost for words. Completely numb. I almost felt he was joking. I wished he was joking. Are you serious? We in our 20's, we have two babies, a house, good jobs, life is just beginning for us... what do you mean you have cancer? He wasn't joking. Matter of fact the next 2 weeks following this diagnosis were the most emotional 2 weeks we had ever experienced. (never mind everything else that has happened to us...) It was full of stomach sinking news and we were grasping at any good news.
Diagnosis and Treatment to Date:
Ben has stage 4 colonrectal cancer, spread to his liver. There is a tumor in his bowel that has caused him some issues. The cancer has spread to the liver and covers 80% of his liver and this has become priority number one for treatment. The good news is it hasn't spread past the liver. Doctors couldn't remove the tumor in Ben's bowel because the liver needed treatment ASAP and performing the surgery on his bowel would have delayed treatment to his liver. Doctors performed an ileostomy to help Ben with this bowel functions. This has been quite a change for Ben. It's not something a 30 year old thinks about having. But he has been SO positive and quick to learn how to change the bag and care for it. I'm SO proud of him. I can't believe his positive outlook! They performed the procedure and started chemo through a picc line as soon as his ostomy healed. Ben finished round one of chemo July 4th, 2016. The experience of walking into a room filled with people hooked up to poles and receiving chemotherapy treatment really hit hard for Ben and I. Both of us were in shock more than anything. Tears hit us both as we realized just what was about to happen. I don't think you can ever prepare yourself fully for that. Today, July 19th, Ben had a procedure to receive his chemotherapy through a portacath, rather than a picc line. This will make it so ben can shower and swim and be more active. He receives chemo every other Wednesday now. He goes in hospital for 3-4 hours and comes home and receives treatment over a 46 hour period at home. After the treatment is complete, he returns to disconnect the "baby bottle" filled with chemotherapy. This is our "new normal".
We learned that Ben is not a candidate for surgery at this time. We were told his prognosis was an average of 2 years, could be 5 or more. Ben will be on chemo indefinitely. Basically to prolong his life. Once this chemo stops working, they try another, and so on and so on. We pray everyday for the best possible outcome!
Our Prayer and what you can pray for:
The most AMAZING thing that could happen is this. Chemo works on Ben's liver, he becomes a candidate for surgery, they perform surgery on his liver to remove the cancer. At that point they can remove the tumor in his bowel and reverse the ostomy procedure. MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!! We have seen them happen in our lives time and time again. Our prayer is for healing, for Ben to be well and be here for his baby girls and for me to have my husband. So we can continue our life like any young family. We also pray for comfort and peace going through this. For positive attitudes and perspectives. We lean on God for this. I can't imagine not having our faith during this time. I am so thankful for that.
We are sharing this personal journey with you because we truly feel the power of friendship, community and love reaching out to others and we need this! We have found keeping things quiet and silent is actually that much harder to handle. The rally of friends and family is exactly what we need. We want you all to know that we don't want you to not come to us, feeling it's too much. Matter of fact it's the complete opposite. The cards, e-mails, text messages, phone calls,.... we almost lean on these to know we are not alone. These help!!
I'm going to end this blog post off with a bible verse I really like. I encourage everyone going through a difficult time to lean on our God and pray. Thanks for taking the time to read the first big blog post!
The Janzens
Some of you may have seen a picture I recently posted on
Facebook and Instagram. The picture is of Ben and Brooke smiling away! I had captioned the
photo, “One of the best days in awhile! We Love You Daddy!” (The photo is here
to the right) This week truly has been a great week! Ben has been up and active,
for the most part feeling well and appears to be more “himself”. He
has had a few bouts of nauseousness, but it seems that he usually recovers
quickly from this. By Wednesday (July 27th) Ben was up and about and
determined to take on some of the projects that he felt calling his name around
the house. i.e., cleaning out his closet and doing laundry. Yup, you read that
right! And organizing the garage. We also were able to enjoy a “date day”. The
kids went off with his parents as we adventured through Niagara Falls playing
tourist. A good laugh when we decided to stroll through the Casino and I was ID’d
because they didn’t believe I was 28… awesome!
We enjoyed lunch out with each other, followed by some relaxing time at
home before going off to Brooke’s swimming lessons. Watching Ben watch Brooke
swim alone for the first time during her lessons with a huge smile and pure joy
on his face melted my heart. I was so happy to see Ben feeling up to all of
this. It almost felt like life was “back to normal”, like he wasn’t even sick.
I found myself thanking God throughout the day, spontaneously, everywhere we
went. This week we have been enjoying the down time with the girls and taking
in all that the day has to offer. We’ve enjoyed taking the girls to the splash
pad and watching them carelessly run around and play together.
