Tuesday, August 23, 2016

What a week to write about!

August 23, 2016

This past week I have felt the power of prayer and the arms of God give us a great big hug! That may sound kind of funny, but sitting in the oncologists office this week I truly felt the presence of our Lord wrap his arms around me. I can tell you I have experienced this once before when Brooke was born. It's like a rush of positivity, relaxation and calmness all in one. I felt overwhelmed by His goodness and love for us. It's truly amazing!

I came into this weeks chemo (round 4) with some anxiety wondering if the hives were going to come back. I tried some meditation and tried to talk myself into remaining calm this week. I've learned, however, that doesn't always work and that our minds are POWERFUL. We met with Ben's oncologist and left feeling uplifted and positive. Ben shared with her his symptoms and how he has been able to come off his pain medications. She was VERY happy to hear all of this. She believes things are headed in the right direction. She has ordered at CT scan for staging purposes, which Ben went for this morning. Right then and there I KNEW God was with us and I felt Him in that very moment. I took a deep breath in, exhaled, relaxed and said a little Thank You! We know Ben's journey is just beginning but sometimes even this little bit of positive news goes a long way when you feel trapped in a bubble of bad news all the time. We left the office feeling positive for the week ahead.

Coming home from a long chemo day we pulled up to our home to find that that our lawn had been cut and a meal was prepared for us and waiting at our front door. We truly have the most AMAZING friends ever! THANK YOU!!

Ben has had a great week so far. Thursday he did sleep most of the day, which is quite normal, but come Friday he was doing a lot better and up and about. It's amazing to see his progress each week. Although each day brings something new, it's uplifting to see more positive days than not! I can honestly say we have had a really good week. No hives for me, the girls have been great for us and we've been able to enjoy some great family time together. Lord, we feel Your presence in our daily lives and thank you for these wonderful days you have blessed us with.

I came across a paragraph in my devotional the other morning that I find myself going back to. Here is what it said...

"Come to Me when you are weak and weary. Rest snugly in my ever lasting arms. I do not despise your weakness, My child. Actually, it draws me closer to you because weakness stirs up My compassion, My yearning to help. Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been. Do not compare yourself with others who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My presence. Accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant Light. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless you richly through it." - (From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

Allow me to bless you richly through it... I often take time and ask God to help me see the best in each day. And He HAS. We have been abundantly blessed, even through this storm. How can we not be thankful? We have some pretty exciting things happening over the next couple of months. Things that allow us to have excitement in our days ahead and things to look forward to. I will share all of this in a separate post soon. I mention this because this is the power of our God. He has placed some amazing people in our lives to help us and support us. We are forever grateful for this!

As mentioned, Ben's CT scan was this morning. We will keep you all updated as we receive the results of this. We are headed into an off week for chemo and have a great week planned. Ben and I are gratefully headed to a Jay's game in Toronto together while my mom takes the girls for a sleep over. We are looking SO forward to this time together. We are close to celebrating our 7 years of marriage together and have never laughed so hard together. I cannot wait for our day together this week!  We hope you all enjoy your week as well! A continued thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. They are felt!





Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Round 3

August 9, 2016

Ben has now completed round 3. A typical chemo day goes something like this. Kids are picked up from grandma and grandpa Janzen, so that I can be with Ben. Ben and I head to the hospital for his appointment and spend about 3-4 hours in hospital. Ben now has a porta cath (you can google this to see what that looks like) They prick through the skin and hook him up for treatment. Once the treatment is complete, and this probably takes 2.5 hours or so, they connect a bottle to his port by a line. Ben has to wear the bottle around for 46 hours. Every Friday he has this disconnected by CCAC. It's quite the process, but I think he's getting into the swing of things. Some of you have asked when will we know further progress on his treatments. They will do a CT scan within a month or so to look at the cancer and see where things stand. We meet with his oncologist next Wednesday so we are hoping to get some questions answered then. We will keep you all posted on that.

Ben definitely tolerated this round better than last. The following treatment knocked him out for days. Over the past few days he has been more alert and awake. He does get tired pretty quickly, but he has been so good at listening to his body and resting when he needs it. The girls and I have learned to let daddy get the rest he needs, in as much silence that we can give him. (This can be hard for a 4 year old and 1 year old!)

I am going to ask for prayer for me in this post. There appears to be a trend with a pretty intense case of "stress hives" that come on every Wednesday when Ben has chemo. I break out in these intensely itchy, welt like hives and they are so painful! I have to care for Ben and the girls when this happens and some times find it very challenging to cope with two very busy girls while I try and sit and let these hives take course. Round 3 and I'm learning what works to treat them, and what doesn't. I'm hoping these things take the high road and I can get through a treatment without breaking out into hives!

Ben and I have found ourselves in a lot of "what if" thoughts this week. What if something happens to you... what if it's me and the girls.... what am I going to do?....   I have struggled with some dark thoughts almost every day this week. I know Ben has struggled with this as well. They come randomly... driving into work, putting the girls to bed, doing the dishes. I have to stop and deal with my thoughts. Almost calm myself down, take a deep breath and remember nothing is going to happen today. Now this sounds like such morbid thinking but we cannot ignore the pain in our hearts. Our life has become very different. We've learned we cannot dwell on these thoughts, that we need to focus on the positives and pray when these thoughts come into our minds. I sit here writing that last sentence and actually go back and read it over, and over, to remind myself. It's so much easier said than done. Anyone in our position will know exactly what I'm talking about. Ben and I have been able to sit with one another and talk it though, which certainly helps, but it's still unbelievably hard.

As we enter another week, a non-chemo week, there is one thing we are most certainly thankful for. The amount of family time we have! A blessing throughout this experience so far has been that Ben is home and is able to enjoy the time we need as a family. Shaping and forming memories with the girls, laughing and watching them play. I am SO happy he is home and we are able to do this together, as a team, as husband and wife. I am blessed to have YOU!