Nothing Shall Be Impossible...

November 23, 2016

First off, I want to apologize for the absence here. I realize I haven't made a blog post since the beginning of the month. So much has happened since then. I had to go back and read my last post to see where I left off. I'll do my best to fill you in. Here it goes!

I had posted on Facebook back on November 9th that we had received the results to Ben's 2nd CT scan. For those of you who don't have me on Facebook, the CT scanned showed continued "shrinking" of the cancer in Ben's liver. His oncologist was thrilled! She sat us down and actually showed us Ben's first scan from June, when he was first diagnosed, to the scan done now and the results were significant. Ben and I sat in the room with his oncologist with tears in our eyes as we looked at both images of his liver and could clearly see the difference. I put my hands together, looked up, tears pouring down my face and thanked our heavenly Father for His work! The plan then was to continue chemotherapy the same way, every other week.

We were now waiting for an appointment in Sunnybrook, Toronto, to see whether or not Ben would be adding another line of treatment through a HAIP (hipatic artery infusion pump) I had posted a bit about this in a previous blog post. In summary, the pump would be surgically implanted and pump chemotherapy directly to the liver to try and kill more of the cancer off. November 14th Ben and I headed off to Sunnybrook for this much anticipated appointment. It was a whole day adventure. We had a good time together driving to Toronto and spending the day together without the girls. The doctors and their staff were very kind. The only issue was that we met with 3 doctors who unfortunately didn't have all of Ben's file. We sat with all three of them in a room trying to fill them in with what we knew but of course they couldn't make a decision based off our word. Ben's complete file was necessary to determine whether they were going to go ahead with this procedure. It was a bit of a let down, but of course working in the health care field I also know these things can happen. We were told we would be in contact shorty with the next steps.

Ben and I. Round 11

Today, November 23rd, Ben completed round 11 of treatment. I can't even believe he's finished 11 rounds. The months are going by so quickly. Today Ben was able to sit down with his oncologist and talk to her about our trip to Sunnybrook. The doctors in Toronto had gotten in touch and the news brought me to tears. They reviewed his images and said that Ben's body is responding remarkably to the chemotherapy. They don't think he needs the HAIP. They believe that the chemo is working and that Ben is a candidate for liver resection. I wish you could be a fly on the wall when this news was shared with to me today... This is what we've been praying for! I started to cry in complete happiness that his chemotherapy, which knocks out my husband for days, is actually working for him and he's now finally a candidate for surgery! To our prayer warriors.... He continues to hear our prayers!!!! We are now at step 2. Ben will be getting an MRI done to show a better imagine of the liver and steps will be made going forward with surgery. We don't have any details on what, how, when, etc.We will keep you up to date as usual.

As Ben and I talked about this news I could tell he was still very cautions about his excitement. He and I both know this road is much longer and I could see his mind running a bit. "Don't get too excited... we have a lot more to get through".... I can appreciate this thought. I have them all the time. But I believe full heartily that God is with us in this crazy path and that He will not forsake us. This is yet another example in my life of the power of prayer and the magnificent work of our God. How can we sit here and not praise Him for this news. If you have never sat down and prayed, I encourage you to!

Ben is home now resting from chemo today. As the treatments come they seem to hit him harder and harder. Yes it is working, but it certainly comes on full force causing Ben to be quite ill. The evening of chemo is emotional. I watch him slowly move around or can't get out of bed. His colour is usually off and he doesn't leave our room much. It's my role then to mother our babies and make sure he gets the rest he needs. I am trying to remind myself that this is the role God has placed on me during this time. It can be stressful and very demanding to be a working mother of two, making sure the house chores are done (I cleaned my entire house at 7am this morning in my pajamas...), making sure everyone is where they need to be, laundry is done etc., AND tend to my ill husband. But as I mentioned before, I frequently try and remind myself that these are my current duties as wife and mother and I pray daily God gives me the strength to get through each day. I ask for prayer for Ben as well as he powers through the days of feeling unwell. He is strong and he is fighting this thing day by day. I see first hand what he is going through and it's not pretty. Nauseousness, puking, exhaustion, headaches, body aches and pains. I can't imagine having to go through it myself. I watch him in complete awe. You, my love, are an incredible man!

I'm going to leave this post off with a song that was recently shared with us by close friends. What a coincidence that it would be sung at church the following Sunday. It's called "Unstoppable God" by Elevation Worship. "Impossible things in Your name they shall be done". How fitting for today. Impossible.... Not with Him!

Click Here for link to Song "Unstoppable"  

This is Cancer + Prayer for Upcoming CT Scan

Nov 3, 2016

Since I last posted Ben has completed round 8 and 9 of his chemotherapy treatments. I get to see first hand what chemotherapy does to him and what his body goes through. Since June 2016, when Ben was diagnosed, he has endured a lot of physical change.

I had stopped him one day and asked if I could take a picture of him without his shirt on to show just what he goes through on a weekly/daily basis. Of course his first response was to just look at me like I was crazy, I get that look a lot, but he agreed and thought it might be a good idea to show everyone what he goes through. He gets asked a lot if he can work and I'm sure you can see by the picture posted here, adding a physical laboured job to this would be pretty impossible at this point.

The picture here shows a few things. 1. The top left hand corner is his port, or port-a-cath. This device was surgically implanted. Looking at it you can see a clear bump under the skin. When Ben is not on chemotherapy he can easily swim and shower with this. The nurses puncture a needle through his skin into the port where a catheter connects to a large vein. You can actually seen the catheter line on Ben if you look closely (not seen in this picture) Connected to his port in the picture is the chemo bottle. The line goes down to his waist where he is wearing a blue waist band that holds the bottle of chemo. He wears this bottle from Wednesday to Friday every other week. Inside is a clear bottle which holds the chemo in what looks like a balloon. In our home we now have cytotoxic spill kits incase there is a chemo spill. (scary right?) Wednesday to Friday the chemo is slowly given to Ben. Friday afternoons, usually, he will visit CCAC to have the bottle disconnected. Once this is disconnected you only see the port from under his skin. No lines, tape or the blue bag or bottle. 2. The beige waist strap connects to his ostomy bag. The ileostomy procedure was done the first week Ben was diagnosed. (now 19 weeks ago!) The tumour in his colon was so big they had to perform this surgery to help him with bowel movements. It was also done to accelerate receiving treatment to his liver, which is priority number one right now. Ben has a cupboard in our kitchen designated to just the supplies he needs for the ostomy bag (and any other cancer related items) Because Ben is young and active he requires a bag change at least once a week. Supplies are very expensive but it is mandatory for him now. Changing the ostomy bag is simple, but comes with its own challenges. Just imagine cleaning up your own bowel movements and dealing with the oder and mishaps that may come along with it. Ben is very good at doing this now and is, in my opinion, pro! Showering does come with a few challenges and changing the adhesive is very painful but I never hear Ben complain about it. You're Amazing!!!!

Ben's Kitchen Cupboard 

Some of you may have never known what Ben hides beneath his shirt. It may surprise you to see. We wanted to share to show you want cancer looks like to us. Despite the physical changes he is going through, he has never been more handsome or sexier to me. The face of a warrior, a man in a fight every day to beat this awful disease. I love you so very much!

Ben has a CT scan booked for tomorrow, November 4th. This is to check for progress. Please continue to pray for healing and good results. Ben and I are both anxious about this. We ask for prayer to get us through the next few days as we wait for the results. We will keep you all posted with the results as we get them.





This week I had written down 4 questions I wanted Ben to answer for the blog. Here they are! Side note: please free to ask any questions or message me or e-mail me any you want to ask Ben. He's completely open to answering any questions you have for him.

1. How have you been feeling this week?
"This week started off rough but ended pretty good. I progressively felt better each day. The beginning of the week I had a lot of nausea."

2. What is the biggest change you have noticed since your diagnosis?
"I have had two major changes. One has been the physical aspect of it. It can be frustrating when your body can't do what it used to do and tires out quickly and the feeling of sickness from the chemotherapy. Second, the physiological aspect of shifting priorities. Things that seemed really important before the diagnosis don't seem nearly as important since the diagnosis and certain things, such as family time and meaningful interactions with people really became a bigger priority in my life."

3. What is your favourite thing about being home?
"My favourite thing about being home is the amount of time I get to spend with my daughters". 

4. What helps you get through each day? 
"Talking to God helps make the burdens and struggles more bearable. It helps me get through the tough times. Probably the main thing that drives me to get through each day is the thought of Brooke and Kendal and my ultimate desire to beat this so I can be here for them. The thought of what I wouldn't give for more time with my kids... I would give anything. The least I can do is fight as hard as I can." 


The last thing I leave off with is a bible verse from James. Our lifegroup has been studying the book of James this month and it has really struck a cord with Ben and I.