We are The Janzens...: December 2016

December 27, 2016

Merry Christmas to everyone! and Happy Birthday Jesus! This year was a bit different for us. Ben had his 13th chemotherapy treatment last Wednesday. We sat with his doctor before treatment and she had asked if he wanted to skip treatment for Christmas so that he wouldn't feel down and out for the holidays. Ben and I both agreed he should continue on with treatment and his doctor agreed too. When the question was asked, Ben looked at me and said "would you stop something thats saving your life right now?" He continued on with treatment and I'll admit, I was a bit nervous entering the holidays with him just having chemo. Dec 21st was treatment day and on Dec 23rd he had his bottle disconnected at CCAC. Ben really struggled with this round, worrying about feeling unwell for Christmas. He had reached out on Facebook asking for prayer and support and the response from all of you was so overwhelming and exactly what he needed to get through treatment.

Christmas Eve came and Ben really wasn't feeling great. He spent the morning in bed while I managed to get the girls and everything that goes along with them all packed up so we could go and visit his parents and siblings in Jordan. My morning was just short of insane. By 10:30am I had completed 3 loads of laundry, bathed two children, hair done, outfits on, both their bags packed, last minute presents wrapped, baked cookies for santa, dealt with a few temper tantrums or fights between the girls, got myself ready and managed to set the table and clean the house to host our family Christmas the next day. I sat down at one point and thanked God for the energy and patience I had that morning. By 11:00am we were out the door and on our way to celebrate Christmas with the Janzen family.

Our attempt at a family photo!

The day was very nice. Sarah, Ben's sister, and her husband Zack were home from Thailand for Christmas. It was so nice to see them and watch them interact with the girls. We certainly miss them when they are away. Ben continued to not feel well. He spent most of the afternoon curled up in bed at his parents house while the rest of us visited together. Ben managed to make it down stairs for a few rounds of crokinole and dinner but shortly after needed to lie down. We all headed off to a Christmas service at church and Ben stayed home to rest. It broke my heart to head off without him. Sitting in church without him hurt my heart too. It brought the "what if" thoughts to my head more than you would think. We went back to the Janzen house after church to play more games, enjoy a few snacks and have our family gift exchange. Ben was up and able to join us, which made me very happy! The company of one another was so nice. I am so blessed to have an incredible family to be married into. Despite our situation there was still a lot of laughter and smiles to be had!

Brooke with her new Frozen suitcase

Christmas morning was certainly different here. The girls woke up and the excitement to run downstairs to see what Santa had brought was in full force! Ben, on the other hand, was not well again. It took me everything to get him out of bed to join us downstairs. I felt bad waking him but I knew he wouldn't want to miss out. We started with stockings and as I watched the girls open their stockings with pure joy, I couldn't help but look over at Ben who was clearly struggling on the couch. I had a moment of anger. Angry that Ben wasn't well enough to be apart of the exciting time for the girls and angry that this cancer is apart of our life. I would look at the girls playing with their toys, laughing and saying "daddy, look!" "Daddy, LOOK!" and daddy couldn't look because he was half asleep on the couch not well. I hated that he was going through this. I hated that our life right then had seemed so different and difficult. I looked back at the girls and adjusted my sails to think positively. "I will make sure these girls have a great Christmas, I will do what I can". We continued onto the tree and all of "santas" gifts. I was hoping for some pictures but it ended up me helping the girls open their presents while daddy continued to rest. The only picture we managed to capture was of Brooke with her new suitcase. (we have some exciting travels coming up- will share sometime soon) She was pretty excited about this and has been pulling it around the house since Sunday.

My Aunt Erica and I prepping the turkey!

Late morning my Aunt Erica had come over to help me prep my very first turkey! An 18 pounder! I was so excited for this! Thank you for teaching me the ropes. That bonding time when your aunt teaches you how to do your first turkey, I will never forget! and it was way easier than I thought! We put that bird in the oven and it turned out great! My entire family came to our house later that afternoon. It brought pure joy over me to host our family Christmas. I would tell people I was hosting and people thought I was crazy, but in reality this is what I love the most. Entertaining, having everyone together in our home, laughing and being together. I love to do it! The day went off without a hitch. The food was great and the helping hands in the kitchen with food prep and clean up was much appreciated! Everyone lent a helping hand and I never felt like I was at it alone. THANK YOU!! Before everyone had arrived Ben had a good long sleep and was able to join us for most of the day, which made my heart smile.

my poor husband battling this illness

Christmas is now behind us and I'm conflicted with feelings of happiness and sadness. I wish I could say I could wipe the sadness away completely, but that's not reality. My heart hurts for my husband. I hate watching him struggle day by day. The past few days have continued to be hard on him. Early this morning (Dec 27th) Ben and I were both awake at 2am as he vomited and felt really unwell. I wasn't sure what I could do for him other than hold him and try and assure him that I am here for him no matter what. I found myself in prayer a lot the past few days, asking God to help Ben and be with him during this time and heal him! Anyone who has watched someone go through rounds of chemotherapy knows how draining it can be not just on the patient, but on the caregiver as well. This week has certainly been one where God has been my rock and my source of reassurance that everything will be okay and that I am not alone. As we count down the days into the New Year, I can only pray that 2017 brings good news, good health and positive experiences for our family.

Thank you to everyone who sent us well wishes this Christmas. Thank you for the baking and the meals and all the Christmas cards. We hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas! I am going to leave this post off with a prayer for Ben.

Dear Lord Jesus Please be with Ben today as he struggles with feeling unwell. I pray that when he is down about being unwell, You give him the strength and determination to get through the day. Lord I pray that you heal Ben's body from this awful disease and that you are working in him during the side effects that come along with chemotherapy. Lord we thank You for Ben and his positive outlook but know it can be draining on him sometimes. Please continue to be with him day after day as he fights this. Thank you for amazing friends and family who are holding us along the way. Thank you for Your love for us today and always. Amen.

My family over for Christmas dinner

Our Christmas tradition, family stockings!

December 14, 2016

Well, here we are, the middle of December already. The countdown is officially on for Christmas. I spent a few days doing our Christmas shopping and the chaos is certainly around us. I entered the mall only to stop and just watch people stand in long lines and race from store to store with their hands full of bags. I was torn between two feelings. 1. excitement for the season and 2. sad for those who are going through a difficult time this year. It seems every time we turn around friends, or friends of friends, are being hit with devastating news, grieving, or anxiety around the unknown. It reminded me that we are not the only ones going through trials. It also reminded me that my faith in God is the one thing I can rely on to keep going forward.

Ben completed round 12 of chemotherapy last Wednesday. It's now been 6 months since his diagnosis. There was a lot of anxiety going into this round. The previous round knocked Ben out for almost 9 whole days. The nausea, nose bleeds, lack of appetite, loss of taste, headaches, and fatigue really knocked him down. Brooke and Kendal have learned to let daddy rest on his "not so good" days. Brooke will even say "Daddy, you can just go lay down if you want". She's such a sweetie! Going into round 12 Ben was reminded to use some of the medications to help him get through the crappy parts and well, it seemed to work. This round he has been up and about for the most part. I come home from work and will find closets all cleaned and organized, our basement all cleaned and organized... it's amazing! I'm so thankful for the days he is well, despite going through chemotherapy, and that he is able to help me around the house as much as he does. This shows me his willingness to help me when he can and for that I am so grateful to have a husband to help.

Ben completed two MRIs last weekend. The results have come back with some very positive news, yet again! (PRAISE GOD!!) The MRIs confirmed that cancer looks contained only to the left side of Ben's liver and little to no cancer on the right side.Previous CT scans were done but MRI reports showed better imaging. Images and reports are now being sent to the surgeon for planned liver resection for potentially February. Ben will need to be off chemotherapy for 4 weeks leading up to the surgery, which at this point looks like it will be taking place in Hamilton. We haven't yet met with a surgeon so most of our questions haven't been answered but as usual we will keep everyone up-to-date on the details as they are revealed to us.

Ben and I took some time the other night to reflect on what has happened over the past year. We sat next to our Christmas tree together and couldn't help but shake our heads in disbelief that it was only one year ago this month that we had purchased our home in Niagara and renovated the entire main floor. Ben did the entire renovation. From demo, flooring, tiles, drywall, electrical etc. (of course some help from friends and family here and there) We were told Ben likely had his cancer the entire time he renovated our house. I remember coming to visit Ben, we lived with my parents during our renovations, and he was so exhausted. He would put in his 44+ hours/ week as electrical foreman of a 60 million dollar job in Niagara Falls, only to drive to our new house to work all evening trying to finish the house for us. At one point during the renovations Ben got quite sick and couldn't get to the house to work. This lasted about about 2 weeks. Looking back it all makes sense. At the time we thought nothing of it, definitely didn't think cancer was in his cards! I wanted to share some before, during and after pictures of the work Ben did. I am amazed that despite him feeling unwell most of the time, he powdered through this house without complaint and in only 4 months. We moved in at the beginning May of 2016. Ben was diagnosed in June of 2016. Another way God was working in our lives. It amazes me how things seem to work out it the weirdest of ways.

I want to take this time to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I know for a lot of people it's a difficult time of year, and we certainly pray in our hearts that you are able to get through this time. We hope everyone is able to be with their family and friends this Christmas and enjoy each others company. Hold each other close and cherish the moments that are among us and most importantly, celebrate the birth of Jesus!

Here are some pictures of the house!