April Update

April 28, 2017

Time is going by so fast. I can't believe we will soon be faced with the summer weather. The 27+ degree weather this week was awesome!

Round 15- April 19th.

 Ben is now back into the routine of receiving his chemotherapy treatments. His first round back was completed on April 5th, just 3 days after returning home from our vacation to Mexico. Treatment didn't go so well for Ben that week. He spent 5-6 full days in bed. I had lost my husband completely over those days. I couldn't even talk with him, he was so incapacitated from his medications and the chemotherapy. His second week back, completed April 19th, was so much better! It's incredible how different he was this round. I'm shocked by how active he has been! It's a blessing to watch him be up and outside doing the things he loves. For that I thank God.  

Ben's first round of chemo hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't believe we were back into this. I was alone in my weakness and my thoughts consumed me. That week I hit the lowest point of this journey so far. I was mad that the surgery wasn't possible and that we had to go back to the chemo room. As caregiver and wife I felt myself losing control of my own well-being. I shared a link on Facebook this week and thought I would share it here on the blog as well. The article talks about unconventional grief, grieving someone alive as well as anticipatory grief. If you are reading these thinking, "what on earth is she talking about?",  I encourage you to click on the links below and take a read.

Uconventional Grief: Grieving someone alive

Anticipatory Grief

With this nice weather I have found a big change in Ben. He is up and doing things! With that being said, he does tire out a lot faster than he used to. We have had a lot going on since I last posted so I thought I might break it down easier for everyone to read. Here we go... 

1. Ben's biggest hurdle right now seems to be leg pain. This occurs quite frequently and comes any time of day. The leg pain is disabling. It can sometimes leave him having to be couch bound. Sometimes it's so bad he says he has to lift his own legs to move them. I am asking for prayer for Ben, specifically with his leg pain right now.

2. Ben has a home nurse now coming at least once a week through Palliative Care North Niagara. At first the words "Palliative" scared us. Ben didn't feel the need to explore that as an option until we found out what this service actually does for him, and me.  Palliative care is defined as an approach that improves ones quality of life of patients and their families facing a life-threatening illness. PCN will be working with Ben to help relieve his suffering with pain management and any other problems that arise. They offer many resources including help with financial questions we may have, help with wills or community support. They have set Ben up with a home wheelchair, walker and cane for the days he finds challenging to be mobile on his own. This service has been free for us and we are grateful for this. Something we once were scared of partaking in has become some bit of comfort for us both. Ben has also received an Accessible Parking Permit. Some days it's hard for him to walk from room to room let alone from one end of a parking lot to another, so this will help him on the days he wants to reserve that energy for something else :) 

Easter with Ben's brother Matt, and wife Ellyse

3. Our family time really has become the most important time in each day. Celebrating Easter this year with family really meant a lot to me. Spending that time celebrating Jesus' resurrection and watching the girls really interested in the true meaning of Easter made my heart explode with gratefulness. I ended up working a lot that weekend, but Ben was able to take the girls to a local church for an easter egg hunt. I love that they are having fun with their daddy! We spent the rest of the weekend with family and enjoyed the fact that Ben was actually doing pretty well! I will be taking a break from my business that I run from our home for the summer to enjoy this time with Ben and the girls. There has been a bit of guilt about the time I spend working rather than enjoying it with them, but also guilt about being the main provider right now too. I've given this to God and I don't doubt He will help us and help me get my business back off the ground when the time is right. What is important to me right now is to spend the summer, the beautiful sunny days outside playing with the girls and Ben and to take full advantage of the days he is well! 

This coming Wednesday is another chemo week. We will be meeting with Ben's oncologist again at which point we will likely be talking about when Ben's next scan will be. The plan at the beginning was to repeat his scan after 3 months of treatment. We will let you all know when that takes place and what the results show. Thank you for those who continue to go through this journey with us. Keep praying!! I still believe in miracles.  

Easter egg hunt!

Story time with daddy

Daddy and Kendal rolling the backyard!

Matt, Ben's brother, helping Ben with the yard work.