Here we go...

April 5, 2017

Well, here we go again, back into the chemo room. It was only a month ago we were talking about a potential surgical operation to remove this cancer, only to be told that the cancer had spread and is too aggressive. I didn’t think we would be back in this room. Coming in today was a bit harder than I anticipated. Walking down the hall of pods filled with people sitting in recliner chairs receiving chemotherapy treatments just doesn’t seem right. How and why does this happen to people? We are back to planning life around every other week chemo appointments. The nursing staff and doctors were “happy” to see us. We were greeted with smiles and friendly hellos from familiar faces, which made coming back into this a bit easier. One of my second cousins was actually Ben’s nurse today so it was nice to have people by our side who we knew. To date Ben has now completed 14 rounds of chemotherapy, including todays round, and 5 rounds of radiation.

Round 14

We met with Ben’s oncologist today in consultation. Ben is back on the same chemo regimen as before. The side effects should be the same and we’ve been told Ben shouldn’t lose his hair since he didn’t before. (Everyone reacts to this stuff differently) The main goal this time around is symptom control. Ben is now on chemo indefinitely, meaning he will be on chemo until it doesn’t work. Chemotherapy will not cure Ben and surgery is no longer an option so we will be working with the doctors and nurses to control his symptoms the best they can while he is receiving treatment. Over the past few months Ben has been experiencing increased pain, lack of motivation to participate in daily activities, increased nausea and tiredness. We are hoping that chemo will actually improve some of these symptoms along with the proper medications. I was really proud of Ben coming back into this today. He seemed to have a positive attitude and a smile on his face. You truly are amazing, Ben.

It’s been awhile since I’ve actually posted here and so I wanted to fill everyone in on some of the great things that have been going on in our life too.

At the end of March we had friends and family over to celebrate not one, not two, not three, but FOUR birthdays! Our youngest daughter, Kendal, celebrated her 2^nd birthday. She was so excited! “Kendal, how old are you now?” “twwoooo”, she would say with a big smile on her face. We also celebrated my dad’s birthday, Ben’s dad’s birthday and my grandfather’s birthday. Hello March birthdays! Below are some of the photos taken during the birthday celebrations. My favourite is the photo of Ben and Kendal blowing out her candles.

Make a Wish!

March 26^th our family flew us out to Cancun, Meixco! After what was probably the hardest and most heartbreaking couple of weeks of our lives so far, we were told to book a trip and go and relax!  This was also suggested by Ben’s doctor before he started back up on chemo so we were very glad we could go. This vacation was probably the best vacation that Ben and I have ever done alone. We didn’t realize how much we needed that time away until we were there. I jumped into the pool and just cried happy tears. I felt so relaxed. I hadn’t had that feeling in over a year, at least since Ben’s initial diagnosis. At one point Ben looked at me and said, “Amy, I feel amazing. I've had to remind myself that I’m even sick”. Like, WOW! We’ve been on vacations before, but this is the first time in our lives where we have experienced the true definition of relaxation and peace. I didn’t realize how maxed out we were. My parents and Ben’s parents didn’t hesitate to help us with the girls. All of them dropped everything and rearranged their schedules just for us. They spent 4 nights with Ben’s parents and 4 nights with my parents. Honestly, we have the best parents ever!  THANK YOU!  Not only did they watch the girls for us while we were away, but Ben’s parents continue to take Kendal and/or Brooke every Wednesday for us, chemo day or not, to lend us a hand, and drop everything anytime to help. My mom has also started coming over the mornings I work to help me get the girls up and out the door. This has allowed me to get to work without panic or anxiety from the busy morning routine. Ben is also able to get the rest he needs in the mornings, rather than worrying about me and the girls. Meanwhile, my dad has been busy getting a fishing boat ready for Ben to use this summer. (One of Ben’s favourite summer activities)

Our favourite place to go for lunch. Right on the ocean.

I am still in awe of how amazing our family and friends are. Ben and I sometimes talk about how we believe this is God’s way of allowing us to enjoy this time together. I find myself repeating myself with just how blessed we are, but it’s so true!

Another exciting thing in our life right now has been welcoming my best friend and her husband’s new baby boy. Another March baby! (That makes 5!) Watching new life come into the world while watching your young husband battle a deathly illness is exceptionally emotional. I held little Graydon and could only think of how much life he has ahead of him. I said a little prayer over him, that life wouldn’t be so hard for him and that God would bless him with health and happiness. I am happy for my friends and look so forward to watching our kids grow together.

Brooke, Kendal & Graydon

So, we continue down the road of doctors’ appointments and chemotherapy treatments. But we know we are not alone. We are more confident to ask for the help we need when we need it and are continuously thankful for those who lend out their hand. We continue to receive meals the days I work to help with the after work rush; I always say I am going to create a cookbook filled with all of these amazing recipes! Thank you! Thank you for all the cards and continuous e-mails or messages we receive. We couldn’t go through this journey without each and every one of you. My biggest fear sometimes is being alone, and I have never been alone through this journey. My mom gave me a book the other day filled with quotes for calming and soothing refections to find peace. I try and read one or two pages a day. I came across this one and it really hit home for me: "Making things easier for yourself should never make you feel guilty". Thank you for those who continue to make things easier for Ben and I and our family. We are so grateful!