Who are we to doubt? Our God can do anything...

May 15, 2017

Have you ever doubted God, only for Him to clearly remind you that He is still walking the path with you? This happened to me this week. I had been starting to feel alone and discouraged, abandoned. I felt mad at God, and through my anger I felt guilty because I do know how much He loves us. It had been this battle in my mind, a constant pull one way or another.

This past week God showed me once again that we are certainly not alone. He reminded me to take a look at the blessings despite the hardships.

Jay's Game with Ben

Our week started off with a trip to Toronto. Ben and I dropped off the girls at his parents house for a much anticipated sleep over. We drove up to Toronto and met up with my brother and his partner, who live in Toronto.We stayed at their condo where we were greeted with an abundance of love! We had booked the guest room in their condo building and walked in to find gift boxes filled with our most loved items; snacks, gift cards to coffee shops and shopping and gas, breakfast for the morning and a stunning orchid (one of my favourite flowers!) Not only did they do all this, they took us out for dinner before Ben and I headed out to a Blue Jays game at the Rogers Centre. We felt pretty spoiled! It certainly made our night away from the kids extra special!

Coming home from Toronto I had received a message from our neighbour asking if she could come over and deliver boxes of frozen meals/desserts for our family, and she did just that. A group from the local church in Virgil and friends of ours got together and prepared a number of meals for us along with home baked cookies and breads. Receiving this made me feel unbelievably blessed. Our neighbourhood and local church community is rallying around us to help us. It made me sit back in complete awe of the generosity and love they have for us. I am still working and running a home to the best of my ability so these meals mean more time with Ben and the girls and less time cooking and cleaning. We are so grateful for this! Thank you to those who contributed to this wonderful gift.

By midweek we celebrated Brooke's 5th Birthday! I'm still in shock our little 24 week old, 1 pound baby is now 5 years old! We are so unbelievably proud of the girl she has become and enjoy every moment of watching her grow and mature. Brooke makes me proud! She also reminds me that miracles do happen, and that our God is a powerful God.

Brooke's first birthday party with her friends from school. Happy 5th baby!

By the end of the working week I had attended a celebration of life for a man who lost his battle to cancer. I had met this couple through this journey with cancer. I had actually been introduced to his wife, as we shared a very similar story with kids the same age and husbands battling stage 4 cancer. I am very thankful for this relationship. Going through these valleys with others who walk the same roads is very healing for me. It broke my heart into two to watch her say goodbye to her husband. I often imagine what my life might look like if I lost Ben, and here she was standing in these shoes, grieving over the loss of her husband, her best friend, her lover and the father to her babies. I think about her often, my heart breaking and sad for her. But I also know she is a lot like me..., stronger than she believes to be and wiser than her years. I just ask for this community to pray for her and her two kids to get through this.

By the beginning of the weekend we had been approached by a group of friends who asked if they could have us in their home to rally around Ben and I in prayer. This is something that we had done with this group of people when Ben was initially diagnosed, but after receiving the news that the cancer spread back in March, it felt right to meet with them again and bring Ben to God in prayer. This experience for us was moving and powerful. I was reminded of God's unstoppable love for us. It was a life changing experience to sit in a room with people, some complete strangers, praying around us and comforting us. I felt God's presence in that room like no other. I felt myself let go of the doubts in my mind from the weeks before. I felt His embrace and was reminded of God's love for us right then and there. A reminder that I needed this week. We are thankful for this time with these people and the ongoing commitment of prayer they have made on Ben's behalf. Thank you!

THANK YOU!!

Just before the weekend came we were greeted at our house with a delivery of lumber and some very hard working friends who had organized a deck to be built in our backyard. To put a little story behind this; Ben will receive chemo treatment and often spends 4-5 days in bed or on the couch. One of the things I have been wanting to do for him is put a deck out back so that during his chemo days this summer Ben could spend time sitting outside and enjoy the fresh air, rather than feeling cooped up inside all day. I envisioned him laying outside in a chair, watching his kids play outside, listening to the birds, taking a nap under the blue skies, rather than feeling like he's missing out while suffering. To our amazement and much thankfulness our family and friends made this happen for us! Two of Ben's great friends spearheaded the project for us, planning layout and organizing/ordering the lumber. The owner of the local building yard even delivered all the wood himself. The girls, Ben, and I sat outside watching as he lifted piles of wood off the truck for us. This was definitely a highlight in our week! This past Saturday both our dads, Brad, Josh (friends of ours) and Ben hammered out a stunning deck for us, just in time to be enjoyed for mother's day. I watched as Ben put on his work boots and work clothes, something I haven't seen in almost a year. It's amazing the little things you can take for granted. Tears filled my eyes as I watched him work to the best of his ability outside with his friends. Ben kept saying how happy he was and how much fun he was having. I can't thank those involved with this project enough. We now have a place to be together as a family this summer,  to have our family and friends over to celebrate life and friendship and create long lasting memories. This to me is priceless.

The girls and their daddy!

The crew hard at work!

One of my favourite photos- Shows the laughter and fun had during this weekend!

Yesterday was Mother's Day. A very happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mother's in my life. After a very physically demanding day for Ben, we woke up and enjoyed a cup of coffee on the new deck together while watching the girls play. Later that day we had everyone at our house for coffee/snacks, including Ben's family and mine, which made us realize how grateful we are to have a family who can get together like that and all get along and love one another. We realize this is a rare thing and are extremely grateful for family that is so close knit.

Ben and I sat down together and couldn't help but be speechless of the things that had been done for us.Our minds have been blown thinking of all the incredible people who continue to make this journey easier for us. I was reminded of a bible verse this morning as I was sitting down writing this blog entry, "For God has said, I will never fail you. I will never abandon you"- Hebrews 13:5. Ben often says that when his time comes to be with Jesus, he is so thankful and comforted knowing that I would be left with a large community of people who will help me. I couldn't agree more! This week Ben is back in for chemo. He's a little nervous. It seems when he pushes his body physically before chemo he sort of pays for it after, but he says he doesn't regret this weekend one bit! Regardless, I still ask for prayer so that his days ahead are easier on him and that he's well to enjoy the nice weather approaching :)