Round 3

August 9, 2016

Ben has now completed round 3. A typical chemo day goes something like this. Kids are picked up from grandma and grandpa Janzen, so that I can be with Ben. Ben and I head to the hospital for his appointment and spend about 3-4 hours in hospital. Ben now has a porta cath (you can google this to see what that looks like) They prick through the skin and hook him up for treatment. Once the treatment is complete, and this probably takes 2.5 hours or so, they connect a bottle to his port by a line. Ben has to wear the bottle around for 46 hours. Every Friday he has this disconnected by CCAC. It's quite the process, but I think he's getting into the swing of things. Some of you have asked when will we know further progress on his treatments. They will do a CT scan within a month or so to look at the cancer and see where things stand. We meet with his oncologist next Wednesday so we are hoping to get some questions answered then. We will keep you all posted on that.

Ben definitely tolerated this round better than last. The following treatment knocked him out for days. Over the past few days he has been more alert and awake. He does get tired pretty quickly, but he has been so good at listening to his body and resting when he needs it. The girls and I have learned to let daddy get the rest he needs, in as much silence that we can give him. (This can be hard for a 4 year old and 1 year old!)

I am going to ask for prayer for me in this post. There appears to be a trend with a pretty intense case of "stress hives" that come on every Wednesday when Ben has chemo. I break out in these intensely itchy, welt like hives and they are so painful! I have to care for Ben and the girls when this happens and some times find it very challenging to cope with two very busy girls while I try and sit and let these hives take course. Round 3 and I'm learning what works to treat them, and what doesn't. I'm hoping these things take the high road and I can get through a treatment without breaking out into hives!

Ben and I have found ourselves in a lot of "what if" thoughts this week. What if something happens to you... what if it's me and the girls.... what am I going to do?....   I have struggled with some dark thoughts almost every day this week. I know Ben has struggled with this as well. They come randomly... driving into work, putting the girls to bed, doing the dishes. I have to stop and deal with my thoughts. Almost calm myself down, take a deep breath and remember nothing is going to happen today. Now this sounds like such morbid thinking but we cannot ignore the pain in our hearts. Our life has become very different. We've learned we cannot dwell on these thoughts, that we need to focus on the positives and pray when these thoughts come into our minds. I sit here writing that last sentence and actually go back and read it over, and over, to remind myself. It's so much easier said than done. Anyone in our position will know exactly what I'm talking about. Ben and I have been able to sit with one another and talk it though, which certainly helps, but it's still unbelievably hard.

As we enter another week, a non-chemo week, there is one thing we are most certainly thankful for. The amount of family time we have! A blessing throughout this experience so far has been that Ben is home and is able to enjoy the time we need as a family. Shaping and forming memories with the girls, laughing and watching them play. I am SO happy he is home and we are able to do this together, as a team, as husband and wife. I am blessed to have YOU!