July 21, 2016
Let me start off by saying how completely overwhelmed we are by the response of our first blog post. The pour out of support has been unbelievable! Knowing we have an army of support from friends, family, even complete strangers, lifts us and encourages us more than you can even imagine. The messages, e-mails, comments made to the blog are all so uplifting. THANK YOU!
Ben completed his second round of chemotherapy this week. It was a very long day for him. Emotionally and physically. The chemo days seem to be very emotional for both of us right now. I had the girls to and from our own appointments, while Ben spent the entire day at the hospital. It's hard not being with him on days like that. The plus side is that Ben managed to get a really good sleep the day of treatment. Previously he had been up the entire night. However, the new drug added to help fight this cancer knocked him out for almost an entire next day. Watching your husband sleep for hours on end and not being able to get out of bed or help him in anyway is very difficult. I am, however, thankful that the girls are at the age where they don't really understand what is going on. We spent the afternoon outside playing in the pool while daddy got the rest he needed. Nothing seemed to phase them. Watching these innocent girls play and giggle certainly made the day a bit easier.
These Wednesday treatment days, and the 2-3 days after, seem to be very difficult so far. On everyone. I try and pull it together, but right now I am finding it difficult to cope with the enormous changes at hand. I'm currently battling stress hives or anxiety or both at the same time. We were supposed to be enjoying the summer camping, at the beach, in the backyard playing and out on adventures with our family and on these days those things seem so far out of reach. I know it wont always be that way. I realize Ben will have good days and bad days. A very good friend told me (who is also an oncology nurse) "You have to remember these drugs are killing the bad and also hurting the good". It's getting through those days that are our current challenge. Have you ever thought, "I wish things could go back to normal?" Whatever normal means. I've been thinking that a lot the past few days though. I realize this blog post seems more depressing than not, but it's everything we are going through right now and it's real. Sometimes you can't always be this perfectly positive person. And I am learning that, that is OKAY.
Ben mentioned writing a post soon. I'm sure once he's feeling better he will certainly share his side of all of this. Something even I look forward to reading.
I leave this post off with a link to a song that I find myself listening to frequently. I remind myself of the lyrics, "In oceans deep our Faith will stand...." Through the anxiety, stress and "why us", times... I do find myself on my knees praying and reminding myself of God's love for us. No matter the feelings of the day, He IS with us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw
Sleeping through the chemo is sometimes the best. The meds before he starts will probably make him sleepy and once the treatment starts it's soooo boring for them to sit there (and he probably doesn't really have the strength to entertain people either) so sleeping is good. And then sleeping the rest of the day, while he misses a bit of time with his 3 girls helps him bounce back quicker. He probably is at full (or close to it) strength by Monday or Tuesday so this sleep is healing.
ReplyDeleteI always looked at it as a day or two of sleep now, more years with Brian down the road.
Keep being positive....the only thing we can change while going through this is our attitudes. Positive and forward thinking is the way to go. You can all do this!!! (And on bad days for you...sit in your car alone, turn on the radio really loud...then scream or cry...seriously it helps!!!!!). Hugs
Sleeping through the chemo is sometimes the best. The meds before he starts will probably make him sleepy and once the treatment starts it's soooo boring for them to sit there (and he probably doesn't really have the strength to entertain people either) so sleeping is good. And then sleeping the rest of the day, while he misses a bit of time with his 3 girls helps him bounce back quicker. He probably is at full (or close to it) strength by Monday or Tuesday so this sleep is healing.
ReplyDeleteI always looked at it as a day or two of sleep now, more years with Brian down the road.
Keep being positive....the only thing we can change while going through this is our attitudes. Positive and forward thinking is the way to go. You can all do this!!! (And on bad days for you...sit in your car alone, turn on the radio really loud...then scream or cry...seriously it helps!!!!!). Hugs
Thanks Amy for sharing your journey with us...thanks for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a difficult road for you.
We are thankful that you are trusting our Heavenly Father. We are on our knees for you - asking God to provide strength for each day, enduring faith, and healing for Ben.
~Shirley (One of your Mom's many cousins:-)
Amy and Ben, thank you for sharing your story, it was very difficult to hold back tears for you while I read your blog at work. I cant begin to tell you how sorry I am for all of your struggles, you both have been through Far too much in your young years, and its so amazing to hear your strength. I am praying for all of you as you fight this horrible illness.
ReplyDeleteLove Anita
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ReplyDelete